I always imagined that I would have an exciting and significant future. I’m young, beautiful, starting my college degree and hoping to finish it in a few years because I had dreams. My dreams were to become a certified public accountant by 22, have my car by 23, and own my dream home at 25 years old. I had plans, and it was very promising until the ultimate disaster that led to my “demise” struck our family when we least expected it.
My Father’s Action Affected All Of Us
My father “accidentally” killed someone on the road. He was too tired and fell asleep at the wheel. The next thing he knew, he was in a car crash. He hit a pregnant lady at the side of the road, walking towards her house. She died on impact while the baby was saved, but had severe complications.
It was a nightmare for our family at that time. My so-called friends never bothered to contact me again. The savings of my parents which was supposed to be for my college education had to be given to the family of the woman my father hit. We lost our house and pretty much everything we owned. The topping on that ice cream called life is that my dad was charged with vehicular manslaughter and is in prison.
I Was On The Road To Self-Destruction
Instead of bouncing back and moving on, I dragged myself down. I started dating this guy who was all sorts of wrong – an addict and a bum. Seriously, my choices during that time were inexcusable, and the problems didn’t end there. I became pregnant, and he left me in an instant.
I only realized my mistake when I told my mother about my situation. We were living a comfortable life before this all happened, and in a snap, everything was taken away from us. I was so angry at my father and with everybody around me. That same anger consumed me to self-destruction which was my biggest error.
“You have to grow up, Kimberly! This is our life now. We are not moneyed anymore. It’s all lost, and it will never come back again. What we can do now is to put on our big girl panties and suck it up, girl. You’re pregnant, great! And the father is an addict, and missing – yoohoo! Now, what is the best thing to do?” My mother was so strong amidst all the trouble she was facing. I guess Zuzana Sakova, LPC was right when she said, “Understanding underlying aspects of our anger and understanding our role in our relationship is a key to treating anger and understanding it as an attempt to communicate something or not getting our basic needs met in our relationships.”
“I don’t know what to do mom. Tell me what to do, and I will follow you.” I said to her.
“Ok. You have to accept that your father made a deadly mistake and he won’t be with us for a long time. It’s just going to be me, you, and your baby. Now, what do we need? Money, right? Then, we find a way to make money. You have to get a job, Kimmy. That’s what you need to do for now, and we go from there.”
“The most helpful definition of being positive is having hope and confidence in one’s ability to handle what’s tough, along with remembering that nothing is all negative all the time,” –Jo Eckler, PsyD,
Moving On Is Not Easy But I Tried My Best
Not a lot of establishments would hire a pregnant college dropout, but I had a classmate whose mom owned a flower shop. She gave me a cashier position, and it was heaven-sent. My mother continued with her career – she is a teacher – and we lived in a 2-bedroom condo.
Help In The Most Unusual Place
One night, as I was walking home, I saw a flyer which changed my life. It was a community group called Helping Hands, and they met every Saturday at the center in our neighborhood. I went there and saw that they had activities for people like me – angry, frustrated, and depressed. It was a Talk Therapy activity, and everyone was “safe” in the group.
Every session, there is a host who facilitates the open forum, and a guest talk therapy or psychotherapy counselor who assisted him during the meeting. I didn’t want to disclose blow by blow what happened to me, but after three months of going there and participating in the group counseling, my view in life changed. In short, I changed for the better, and at least life now is with meaning. “Good psychotherapy is an amazing tool because a skilled therapist can help you discover and learn things that will help you lead a happier, healthier life.” Dr. Chantal Gagnon PhD LMHC said.
I gave birth to a bouncy baby boy, and it’s been real. My mother helps me with my son, while I go to school at nights. I’m almost done with my degree, and even if I’m a few years late, I can still see that my dreams are up ahead. Counseling has mended me in so many ways, and I always thank the Universe for directing me to that flyer. With that, I found group counseling and rearranged my life.