People often ignore mental health disorders that are not physically harmful, but they should know that immediate intervention is vital to treating several conditions such as depression, schizophrenia, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), anxiety/panic disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder.
My wife was promiscuous. There I said it. Are we still together, you ask? Yes, we are, and I know, it’s a miracle. Even though it hurts to the bone that the woman I love, the mother of my children, and my partner in life is like this, I cannot hold the compulsive behavior against her. She is a nymphomaniac, and that was brought about by her difficult childhood, and so I have to understand.
“Most frequently, these addictive sexual behaviors are categorized on three levels according to the degree of risk and the legal consequences involved. Level one behaviors may include: masturbation, prostitution and anonymous sex.” – Stanley H. Ducharme, PhD, a clinical psychologist
Why My Wife Became A Sex Addict
Eve was raped over and over again by her brother, cousin, and uncle. At age 10, she had her first sexual encounter, and for a while, she thought that doing it with the men inside her home was normal. Their family was incestuous and how can I hold it against her? When I met Eve, the three men who abused her were already behind bars, and I never imagined that she would become a sex addict. Our encounters were mind-blowing, yes, but I thought it was because she was in love with me.
It’s a blessing that Eve realized for a brief moment a while back that having sex with different men and getting around was her mental illness. Her behavior was not normal, she realized. She was hurting me, our children, our marriage, and most especially herself. While she blamed her damaged mind for everything that she did, I told my wife that her realization was the first step in wanting to get better. We sought a CSAT or a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and the professional created a program for my beloved wife.
Counseling Vs. Treatment
“Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, its negative impact on the addict and on family members increases as the disorder progresses.” Michael Herkov, Ph.D said. SoI thought that what she needed was sex addiction counseling. Well, I was partially correct. The therapist created a sex addict recovery platform for my wife, and it involved counseling and therapy sessions. It is a treatment program because the behavior needs curbing first before the thought process is adjusted. In counseling, the thought process is fixed first so that the response will improve. In this type of issue, the former is more efficient.
Components Of A Sex Addict Treatment And Therapy Program
There are at least three components that CSAT’s practice on their clients when in a treatment program. They are held in a rehabilitation facility, private clinic, or a counselor’s office for one-on-one therapy. The program primarily remains the same.
One must ACCEPT that the addiction is out of the addict’s hands. No amount of willpower will make the habit go away on its own and naturally. The disorder is bound to harm not only the people around the addict but also the person herself. That’s what the counselor told my wife and me, and this is what we need to accept.
“It is no more about sex than an eating disorder is about food or pathological gambling is about money.” –Rory Reid, PhD, LCSW
As for ACTION, my wife had to abstain from addictive sexual conduct and practice sexual sobriety. How can she do this when willpower for a sex addict is almost impossible to control? Well, there are tools that CSAT’s will use and impose on their clients to efficiently regulate the behavior. My wife needs to follow the direction of the program to the tee if she wants to get better.
ACCOUNTABILITY means doing everything in your power to abstain from sex (if it is required). It is also learning more about the disorder, constant communication with the therapist or counselor, going to sex addict meetings (12-step program), and a sequence of related tasks to make the addict understand why he or she is like that.
The Road To Recovery
The CSAT told us that it wouldn’t be a short process. But on a lighter note, some sex addicts recover after a few years in the treatment program. It is different from one person to another, and at the very least, sex addicts will make progress after three years. For some, it is longer. I don’t care. If I need to wait ten years, then, I will wait. My point is for my Eve to get better, and with that, I will be patient.
Yes, I’m a coward and a fool. I cheated on my wife of ten years many times that I lost count. We have one child together whom I love so much, but that’s just about it. I love our child, but I’m not in love with my wife. Ever since the very beginning, I have never fallen in love with her. We got married because it was a business arrangement sealed by our parents. Soon after our wedding, she had to get pregnant and there, we had our son. After that, our marriage went downhill.
In A Dilemma
“Couples’ expectations about what marriage should be like are completely off from the reality of what marriage is actually like” That is according to Dr. Chantal Gagnon PhD LMHC. I know my sob story won’t convince you that I am a good person. Cheaters are not decent people, right? If I didn’t really love her, I shouldn’t have married her, right? Well, in our family and traditions, love is not a priority. It’s about business and connections. My parents had an arranged marriage and lucky for them, they fell in love. But for us, no. I’ve been with this woman for ten years now and still, no sparks.
Do I care for her? Yes, I do. I care for her like a brother to a sister and a friend to a friend. She is the mother of my only child, for heaven’s sake. But I have become an infidel. I’m stuck in this marriage, and I am supposed to be committed to a woman with no romantic feelings from my end. I don’t even get turned on when I see her. Why? I don’t know. Maybe because I’m flawed, weak and a fool. “Something that is not gender specific but is worth mentioning is that in almost all cases of marital infidelity, something is wrong in the marriage. Either the husband or the wife is unhappy and likely both.” Katrina Bilhimer, Ma, LMHC was right when she said that.
Our friends, whose marriages were also arranged, keep on telling me that I should give it a go and try the “love” thing with her – who knows, we might fall in love. We never hit it off like that. I never gave her a chance, I guess. The last time we were intimate was a month after our wedding night, and I believe that was when I got her pregnant. That encounter was a nightmare for me.
I Had To Tell Her
One night, I went to her room – yes we have separate bedrooms – and I asked her if we could talk. She is a kind-hearted woman and a very loving mother. My guilt was eating up on me, and frankly, I needed a release. I had to tell her. She has the right to know. I don’t want her to waste time on me and stay with me for more years when I can offer her nothing. I finally told her that I am gay, and her reaction stunned me.
“I know.” She said that and smiled. “I know who you are from the start.”
“Why did you agree?” I said.
“It’s a daughter’s duty. And you are a good person. I know that.” She answered.
“How can I be good when I have committed a grave sin to you?” I asked.
“You mean, your men? I know about that too.” She said.
“Then, why are you still here with me?” I was shocked by her answers.
“When we grow old, Ming, I know that you will be a great companion. I still believe in my heart that even if you don’t see me as your lover now, in the end, we are destined partners in business and life. We have a son together. He needs us both.” She wiped a tear rolling down her cheek.
She also added, “It hurts, Ming, every time you lie. Every time you meet up with your lovers, it’s painful for me. But I have grown to love you, and I know deep inside that you care for me too. If you are willing, I want us to work it out.”
This woman is unbelievable. I have never met a person who is as selfless as her. She has to be an angel to be able to accept me for who I am and adjust even if I have wronged her. And yes, I may not be in love/lust with her, but as I said, I care for her. Maybe, there is something here, after all.
I Decided To Go Into LGBTQ Counseling
Donna M. White, LMHC, CACP said, “Recovering from an affair is not impossible, but it takes a lot of work. It takes commitment and a willingness to forgive and move forward.” These urges with other men will pass. I’m sure of it. But what we have, what I have with my wife can be a forever thing. I have to work on myself and control my sexual needs. My wrongdoings have hurt her, as she said, and I need to stop causing her pain. With this, I decided to go into LGBTQ Counseling. Hopefully, there is a bright future for me and us. I have to give us a chance at life and love.
It was truly difficult for all of us when we learned the truth – me, my husband, our firstborn and second born, and maybe, even more for our youngest child. You see, we always knew that he was special. He is the baby of the family and we never really noticed “signs” in him that he was different. We just accepted the fact that he was “late” in everything; late in learning how to walk and to talk.
I always imagined that I would have an exciting and significant future. I’m young, beautiful, starting my college degree and hoping to finish it in a few years because I had dreams. My dreams were to become a certified public accountant by 22, have my car by 23, and own my dream home at 25 years old. I had plans, and it was very promising until the ultimate disaster that led to my “demise” struck our family when we least expected it.
Yoga has helped people with the art of interconnecting the body, mind, and spirit to promote wellness. It began during the ancient times, over thousands of years ago, in India. It is the exercise of encouraging oneness with nature or the environment.
Nowadays, it is a well-known physical fitness workout used by people who observe a healthy lifestyle. Today, it is more than just an exercise. It complements treatment for mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression, schizophrenia, and many others. Marjie L. Roddick, MA, NCC, LMHC used to say, “Physical wellness is affected by physical activity, healthy nutrition, and adequate sleep.”
Even professional health care providers agree and use it as part of their patients’ treatment plan. They believe that the wellness of an individual is composed of the body and mind. Doctors prescribe yoga as an additional therapy to boost the effects of medications for severe mental health problems and prescribe it alone for minor conditions.
Many people also take advantage of the relaxation benefit of yoga. The chanting of “om” and meditation creates a physical, mental, and spiritual calmness. It gives the sense of connection to our body and mind. It helps us know and develop our physical abilities and allows us to ponder and reflect mentally and spiritually. “Many practitioners and teachers of yoga claim it offers benefits for one’s mental health. It seems like an obvious conclusion, given that most yoga focuses on exploring one’s inner world of consciousness.” John M. Grohol, Psy.D. said.
Studies Show That Yoga Is Complementary To Medical Treatments For Several Mental Health Conditions Including:
Yoga can aid in the treatment of depression by promoting relaxation and reducing stress level. There are also studies that link depression to serotonin level in the brain. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter in the brain which affects mood and social behavior as well as appetite, digestion, sleep, and sexual functions. These activities contribute to a healthy routine. It is responsible for our happiness, and the deficiency of serotonin contributes to depression.
When a person sleeps well, he will be able to maintain a good mood the next day. Studies show that sleep deprivation can cause irritability which then leads to a negative outlook. Mood swings are also present in reduced appetite, digestion, and sexual functions.
Schizophrenia is a mental health disorder that usually occurs at the early age of 16 up to 30 years old. It is a long-term condition that develops slowly that’s why people who have this condition can hardly tell and often take a while to seek help. It is a mental health condition that also affects the mood, emotions, and behavior. The patient is usually delusional and loses touch with reality and tends to live in fantasy.
Through yoga, an individual gets a better understanding of oneself and the reality surrounding him. It develops a self-awareness that it makes a person familiar and in control of oneself. Eventually, hallucinations and delusions decrease because of the enhanced ability to interact with self and surroundings.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Post-traumatic stress disorder is a mental problem caused by traumatic events like the death of a loved one, accident, or a near-death experience. Symptoms can be severe anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares, and erratic behavior.
Yoga helps a person perform meditation which promotes peace and calm. It creates a moment of relaxation which helps with the anxiety.
Eating disorders are also mental health issues which can be caused by stress and depression, and they should be treated just like other psychological problems. If left untreated, these can develop into severe medical conditions due to malnutrition.
Yoga can connect the mind and body, and since it builds up abetter relationship between the two, it creates a better understanding of what the body needs. You will have the urge to be healthy and eat according to your nutritional needs.
Benefits Of Yoga To Mental Health
Boosts serotonin production and release in the brain, therefore, making us feel happy and optimistic
Helps diffuse stress as it promotes relaxation and calmness
Relieves anxiety and depression by giving the body and mind the sense of peace
Improves concentration through exercising the senses
Develops self-esteem as it makes a person feel good about himself after being able to do several positions in yoga
Enhances memory because it makes one aware of his senses, surroundings, and experiences throughout the workout and eventually practicing the mind to do this with daily actions
“Deep breathing encourages our body’s relaxation response. Other calming and stress-reducing activities include progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery, Tai chi and yoga,” says Marla W. Deibler, PsyD. Yoga is an efficient wellness workout not just for the body but the mind and spirit. It allows one to be more familiar and connected with his body which creates a better grasp and understanding of his individuality. It develops self-awareness, self-confidence, and self-love.
Nowadays, yoga is practiced everywhere on the planet. Its benefits are known and used to treat not just mental health problems but other severe medical conditions as well. It helps with asthma, high blood pressure, diabetes, arthritis, migraines, liver problems, and many more. It does not do any harm, and people who practice it say that their day is incomplete without being able to do a yoga routine, so there’s just one disadvantage of yoga: It is addictive!
Do you feel as if your current longboard is limiting your chances of becoming one of the most celebrated skaters in the world? That hunch may be true, especially if every ride only brings more parts to fix. The problem, however, does not lie in your maneuvering skills. This is most probably because you have been using a longboard that has a disastrous combination of faulty trucks, uneven board, and overly large wheels. Thus, to reverse your misfortune, check out the Atom Drop Through Longboard review that will make you want one. Continue reading Longboarding With Atom Drop-through Longboard – A Review
Why do I have to go to counseling? Do I really need to go? These are the questions that teenagers ask their parents if they require or suggest to them that they need to go to counseling.
Am I Crazy?
First off, counseling is not for “crazy” and non-communicative people. Daisy Chow, LPC, NCC once said, “Just because I’m in therapy it doesn’t mean that I am crazy. No one is going to invalidate your problems.” Second, in our world today, at least one out of five teenagers have a mental health concern that needs to be addressed, and no, it doesn’t mean they’re crazy. They just need help to overcome that mental health issue. Third, it is prevalent to experience depression, anxiety, and extreme stress in school and with friends. These are just some of the many mental health issues. It is also the very reason why teenagers need counselors who can assist them in understanding themselves and learning how to cope with such conditions.
Why Do Teenagers Have Mental Health Issues?
It’s not just teenagers. At one point in the lives of every living soul on this planet, they will experience a mental health issue. It is very normal. What causes these problems?
Medical conditions can affect the way a person acts, thinks, and feels strangely. The counselor or therapist will have to rule out medical reasons as the cause of the mental health issue before going in a treatment program.
A violent experience may trigger mental health issues in a teenager.
Severe stress is another factor. “Unhealthy stress is when you are facing negative circumstances (e.g., loss of a job, loved one, or relationship).” says Jessica Harris, LCPC, LPC
Grief can be a mental health issue cause, as well. When a loved one dies, if you go through a break-up, or a special person moves away, you will feel overwhelmed and very lonely. Some can cope, but others cannot.
Types Of Teenage Counseling Programs
There are three counseling programs fit for a teen with mental health issues. These are the Individual Counseling, Group Counseling, and Family Counseling. A specific plan will be advised for a teenager that will suit his needs.
Individual Counseling involves a one-on-one session with a therapist or counselor. Each session may be around 50 minutes wherein the counselor will ask how you feel about your problems in life. You can talk to the counselor about your parents, family, school, friends and special someone.
Group Counseling involves a group of about five teenagers with one to two counselors facilitating them. The teen group therapy session can last up to 90 minutes wherein the counselors will ask questions, and the teenagers can speak up. They can also ask their queries and learn from one another.
Family Counseling involves the whole family – parents, and siblings – to go to therapy together. Everyone will be able to voice out their problems within the family, and the counselor will see to it that issues are resolved.
How Long Will Teenage Counseling Last?
It depends on the severity of the mental health issue on the teenager. Therapy happens at least once a week and can last for as short as three months; that means 12 to 15 sessions. For some who have extreme problems, the meetings can go for years.
If I Don’t Like My Counselor, What’s My Option?
You can only have progress if your relationship with the counselor or therapist is based on trust. If you don’t like your therapist, there will be no trust, and the sessions will be all a waste. And so, you can always change therapists or counselors if you don’t feel comfortable or if you don’t like the current one.
You Must Remember These Things
Your counselor will not solve your problems for you. He will provide suggestions on how to fix your issues or cope with your problems. But if you don’t act on it yourself, then, there will be no progress. “A good therapist should be open and willing to understand your concerns. If your counselor doesn’t take your concerns seriously or is unwilling to accept feedback, then it’s probably in your best interest to consult with another therapist about it.” That is according to Noah Rubinstein, LMFT, LMHC.
Never engage in a romantic relationship with your counselor. It is inappropriate. You are a teenager and a minor, and even if you are over 18, a therapist or a counselor must never engage in sexual innuendos with their clients. Inform your parents immediately should you feel that your counselor is maliciously touching you or more.
When I was still depressed, puzzles were my constant companion. Back then, I used to hear voices in my head, which would make me think of attempting suicide so that they would stop. My depression was not too severe for me to realize how wrong that idea was, though, so I decided to look for a distraction — the puzzles. Continue reading Benefits Of Mental Distractions