My wife was promiscuous. There I said it. Are we still together, you ask? Yes, we are, and I know, it’s a miracle. Even though it hurts to the bone that the woman I love, the mother of my children, and my partner in life is like this, I cannot hold the compulsive behavior against her. She is a nymphomaniac, and that was brought about by her difficult childhood, and so I have to understand.
“Most frequently, these addictive sexual behaviors are categorized on three levels according to the degree of risk and the legal consequences involved. Level one behaviors may include: masturbation, prostitution and anonymous sex.” – Stanley H. Ducharme, PhD, a clinical psychologist
Why My Wife Became A Sex Addict
Eve was raped over and over again by her brother, cousin, and uncle. At age 10, she had her first sexual encounter, and for a while, she thought that doing it with the men inside her home was normal. Their family was incestuous and how can I hold it against her? When I met Eve, the three men who abused her were already behind bars, and I never imagined that she would become a sex addict. Our encounters were mind-blowing, yes, but I thought it was because she was in love with me.
It’s a blessing that Eve realized for a brief moment a while back that having sex with different men and getting around was her mental illness. Her behavior was not normal, she realized. She was hurting me, our children, our marriage, and most especially herself. While she blamed her damaged mind for everything that she did, I told my wife that her realization was the first step in wanting to get better. We sought a CSAT or a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist and the professional created a program for my beloved wife.
Counseling Vs. Treatment
“Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, its negative impact on the addict and on family members increases as the disorder progresses.” Michael Herkov, Ph.D said. SoI thought that what she needed was sex addiction counseling. Well, I was partially correct. The therapist created a sex addict recovery platform for my wife, and it involved counseling and therapy sessions. It is a treatment program because the behavior needs curbing first before the thought process is adjusted. In counseling, the thought process is fixed first so that the response will improve. In this type of issue, the former is more efficient.
Components Of A Sex Addict Treatment And Therapy Program
There are at least three components that CSAT’s practice on their clients when in a treatment program. They are held in a rehabilitation facility, private clinic, or a counselor’s office for one-on-one therapy. The program primarily remains the same.
One must ACCEPT that the addiction is out of the addict’s hands. No amount of willpower will make the habit go away on its own and naturally. The disorder is bound to harm not only the people around the addict but also the person herself. That’s what the counselor told my wife and me, and this is what we need to accept.
“It is no more about sex than an eating disorder is about food or pathological gambling is about money.” –Rory Reid, PhD, LCSW
As for ACTION, my wife had to abstain from addictive sexual conduct and practice sexual sobriety. How can she do this when willpower for a sex addict is almost impossible to control? Well, there are tools that CSAT’s will use and impose on their clients to efficiently regulate the behavior. My wife needs to follow the direction of the program to the tee if she wants to get better.
ACCOUNTABILITY means doing everything in your power to abstain from sex (if it is required). It is also learning more about the disorder, constant communication with the therapist or counselor, going to sex addict meetings (12-step program), and a sequence of related tasks to make the addict understand why he or she is like that.
The Road To Recovery
The CSAT told us that it wouldn’t be a short process. But on a lighter note, some sex addicts recover after a few years in the treatment program. It is different from one person to another, and at the very least, sex addicts will make progress after three years. For some, it is longer. I don’t care. If I need to wait ten years, then, I will wait. My point is for my Eve to get better, and with that, I will be patient.